A bluebottle

"I was watching a blue bottle yesterday. In an effort to escape the living room,

he kept flying against the window, hitting his head against the glass over and

over. Then he stopped launching himself at it like a missile and stuck to one

little windowpane, buzzing about like he was having a panic attack. It was

frustrating to watch, especially because if he'd just flown up a little bit higher

towards the top of the window, he'd have been free. But he kept doing the same

thing over and over again. I could imagine his frustration of being able to see

the trees, the flowers, the sky, yet not being able to get to them. I tried to help

him a few times, to guide him towards the open window, but he flew away from

me around the room. He'd eventually come back to the same window and I could

almost hear him : 'Well, this is the same way I came in...' "

Ni an excerpt aku dpat dri novel The Book of Tomorrow by Cecilia Ahern. One of my fav books and authors. Klu kte cbe paham btul2 apa yg excerpt ni cbe smpaikn insyaAllah kte nmpk mksd disebaliknya.

So.. Nak share???

When things get confusing

Have you ever had a dilemma where someone's treating you so well that you hate it? If you do, then I'll say.. COME AND JOIN THE CLUB!! If some of you don't, then maybe you want to spend some time reading my story.

It started not so long ago. Couple of months I'd say. When I said couple of months, I really meant 'couple'. Yea, it's two months to be exact. I was not sure where and how X ( I'll call the person that, OK?) came. But X just did.

X treated me well back then and X still treats me so well now. X did stuffs that never once any of my friends ever did to me or even... with me. It cannot be denied that some of those times, I did enjoy X company. But... ( yes, there's a but) some of other times, X just some annoying, disturbing irritating brat! (How mean that sounds to you?) That's what I felt or rather I feel.

Maybe I'm just so comfortable being with people who don't really care about me ALL the time. Maybe I'm just so suitable being around people who don't really bug me EVERY ticking minute. Maybe I'm just secretive enough to not let someone like X intrude my comfort zone. Or maybe I just don't like X at all.

But hold on. Every time I come to that conclusion, I'll think again. HOW COME YOU DON'T LIKE SOMEONE WHO'S NICE TO YOU? HOW BAD IS A GOOD PERSON LIKE THAT DESERVES TO BE HATED? So, you guys see what I meant?

At some point I thought letting X knows how I feel particularly about Xself is the best thing to do. But at other one point, I'd say, "X just don't need to know all that. X'll be very upset that eventually I'll just loose X along the way". Then I'd say back, "Isn't that will be easier? Loosing X? Isn't that what I want?".

NO... Its not what I want...

In the end, I just start to avoid X. I answer X once in a while. I talk to X sometimes. It's just unlike before. So, is what I'm doing right or wrong?

Am I right because I deserve to have my own life and privacy that make avoiding X is one of the ways to get them?

OR

Am I wrong because I'm just too self-preserved that I ignored a good person to share my life and that make me a selfish girl at the same time?

OR

Am I just don't have any control on this dilemma?

p/s: HELP ME!!!

...aku dan kamu...

hye kawan2!!eh jap2..ni bukan wana tau.ni kawan die.eh wana,apasal follower engkau sikit sangat.cube ko tengok follower aku hoho~perasan ramai follower padahal tak sampai 50 pon huhu...tu la ko,wat blog pandai.nak update malas!!ko dok rumah abeskan beras je kan..



ok2 nak sambung cite..sambungan dari cite kau dan aku~sila la bace ye.promote blog jap ahah...



kami dapat tawaran pergi intec.still lagi tempat yang same tapi course berlainan.dia nak jadi veterinar,aku nak jadi doktor orang.aku pon tak paham apasal laa ko nak jadi doktor haiwan ek wana.punye banyak keje,keje dengan bulu kucing gak yang ko suke.



so,aku under middle east program(MEP) dan dia ausmat.kami pon up sikit laa tempat lepak kami.dulu lepak kat dorm je.paling2 pon lepak kat dewan makan.sekarang ni lepak kat secret recipe...



dan sekarang,aku kat sini,mesir.dan dia lak tengah nak decide nak g aussie or new zealand...walaupun kami dipisahkan oleh 2 benua,namun tali persahabatan kami tetap utuh...bez tak ayat??huhu..waaa..kepada pembaca blog wana ni,mintak maaf la ek kalau before ni ayat wana ni tak bez langsung.haha..dah la dok update blog die.g kutuk tuan nye blog lak huhu

tapi nanti ko nak fly jauh,kite dah jarang jumpe dah.tak dapat nak hang out dah*sobsob*~ceh,bajet macam tak boleh nak skype or ym je huhu



dear wana,

selamat hari lahir yang ke-19~orang lain dah nak masuk 20 ko baru 19 ke?!ketinggalan komuter sungguh la kamu huhu



semoga kamu berjaya mencapai impian.semoga apa yang kamu ingin kan adalah apa yang dikehendaki Allah dan semoga ia adalah yang terbaik untuk kamu... :)



lagi satu,ko abes study tu cepat2 sikit.jenuh aku nak tunggu ko balik nanti.yang penting time aku kawen ko kene ade hahaha...lagi satu,kalau ko kawen umur 30 aku malas dah aih nak jadi pengapit ko.ko cari pengapit lain :D

~kepada yang membaca blog wana ni,saya takde niat pon nak hack blog die.die yang bagi username n password blog ni dengan ikhlasnye kat saye *winkwink*(^_^)

These two weeks

Fuhh... Setelah berbulan-bulan aku x mnjejakkn kaki n tgn ke blog aku nih. Bukan stakat bersawang, dah xtau hantu apa dah yg bertndang kat sini. Mmg kompom kene wat seance dah nak halau seme2 makhluk supernatural nih.. (haha.. kidding.. tahayul seme2 tuh)

Wokeh.. To start with, my life been pretty awesome. Aku nak wat laporan perjalanan kerja aku selama 2 mmgu nilah raseny.. sbelum tu, tuk pngetahuan korg, aku ada wat internship for my uni application.. so...

Di bawah adalah laporan secara xrsmi yg aku sediakn tuk korang: (kurkur..)

LAPORAN KERJA PRAKTIKAL DI INSTITUT BIODIVERSITI & VETERINAR KEBANGSAAN

Nama : Nur Syazwana Sharim
Tempat : Institut Biodiversiti & Veterinar Kebangsaan, Jerantut, Pahang
Masa: 29 November 2010 hingga 9 Disember 2010

Pada tanggal 29 November 2010 sehingga 9 Disember 2010, saya pelajar seperti yang tertera di atas telah menjalani kerja praktikal di Institut Biodiversiti & Veterinar Kebangsaan (IBVK) di bawah bimbingan Pegawai Veterinar bertugas, Dr Lai dan Dr Hafizan. Kerja praktikal ini juga turut disertai 2 orang pelajar Tahun 2 Fakulti Perubatan Veterinar Universiti Malaysia Kelantan iaitu Syakira dan Fadilah.

(Perh... Dah la wat ayat skema2 nih.. Pnat aku perah otak nak betulkan tatabhsa. Lagipon xyah lebih2, nnti korg kagum sgt ngn vocab aku. Aku xnak r korg terseksa.. err.. maksud aku kagum.. yup2.. KAGUM.. ngee~)

Banyak sbnrnya yg aku blaja. Dri segi health maintainability sampai la management works. Tu blom trmsuk personal advices dripada staff2 IBVK yg sgt gempak nih. Aku rase drpda korg stress baceeeee je apa yg aku wat, bek aku kasik graphics sket kat korg. Baru r nmpk menarik tertarik n mmg da BOOM sket.. (Kununnye~~)

Ok, hari2, keje ktrg start pagi2 kol 8. Btw, tuk pgtahuan korg, kat IBVK ni ada lmbu, kambing, kerbau, rusa n bakal ada byk agi binatang len taun dpn. IBVK ni sbnrny pembekal n pengumpul semen tuk wat cross breeding r especially. so tgas aku adalh tolong dyorg jaga kambing2 n lmbu2 penjantan ni...




Nilah kandang lembu yg aku n senior2 dri umk kne cuci hari2.. sbnrnya ada satu lgi kndang lmbu kt bawah tpi aku xyah lah tnjuk kt korg.Nti korg kesian lak kt ktrg kn... haha




Ni lak baka lmbu KK a.k.a Kedah Kelantan.. huhu.. ak rse nme dy msti mmpu mmbanggakn n mngembangkn hidung anak2 Kedah n Kelantan.. kihkih.. tuk pngetahuan korg, ni je satu2 nye baka pure dari Malaysia yg ada.. yg len seme dah kacuk2.. xtau dah bpe byak mixed.. bese lah.. 1 malaysia... ngahaha..




Ni antara baka len yg aku smpat amik gmbr.. ni Charolais, baka dri Charolles, France.. tpi sgt popular kt Australia tuk cross breeding.. sgt besar n tggi.. bulu yg lmbut n.. klu korg tgok lmbu nih for real.. perhhh.. sgt rse cm nk wat daging burger n makan laju2.. haha..




Lembu ni lak aku xsure baka apa n dari mna.. but thats not the point. Yg aku nk tnjuk kt korg ialah kaki lmbu ni yg biru2 tuh.. tu sbb ktrg smbur woundsanex (ubat fungsinya sbgai flies repellent). kaki2 lmbu ni byk yg ada maggot wound. ble sbut maggot means MAGGOT.. literally.. fuhh.. ada yg dah luka bernanah plus ngn tlur lalat.. ha.. baunya lak.. perh.. mmpu menjatuhkan sebatillion tentera Nazi.. (haha.. hyperbola~).. tpi mmg pon bau dia.. ngerkk~~ tdo mlam pon termimpi2.. haha..nilah antra treatment yg ktrg kne wat...


Kat kandang kambing lak........



meet three sisters... from left: Fajar, Baby, Browny.. haha.. nme len gler masing2.. mklum r godmother masing2 yg kasik nme kn.. so ske hati r.. haha




Ni Encik Akhlak Veterinary Assistant kt IBVK ni yg ngah mesin bulu biri2.. aku pon wat gak.. tpi xdapat r nk tnjuk gmbr kn.. sbb time aku ngah mesin mna ley nk pgg camera.. lgpon mne lak biri2 ni pndai nk pusing n peace klu ktrg nk amik gmbr sesame.. hehe.. xsnang sbnrnya mesin bulu biri2 nih.. memerlukn skill yg tggi.. huh..




Ni lak gmbr time ktrg kat kandang ternak kmbg org persendirian.. ni kre field work r.. Klu sape2 yg ad trnak kmbing or lmbu, nk mntk tlong IBVK nk wat kje2 cm vaccination ke or in this case, SIDA ( a way to synchronize livestock birthing) bley r dpt free... untung wo... Ni Dr Lai n Encik Akhlak ngah set up apparatus. Yg En Ahklak pgg tu, tuh ultrasound machine.. nk check kmbing bunting or x..




Ni Dr Lai yg ngah tekun checking the goat...




ni aku yg ngah msukkn sejenis alat ke dalam bhgian vulva kmbg betina tuk prevent drpda kmbing2 ni mate.. so, after 19 days, n kmbg2 ni seme akn on heat, alat tu akn dicabut n mereka2 pon ley mate then dptla anak kmbing secara beramai2 nti serentak... huhuhuh....



so, spnjg duk ngn kmbing2 nih, ak ada 2 kmatian dlm satu hari.. sekor kmbing betina yg dah lme sakit pas dy keguguran.. (tragis x??? Tpi ok gak dy sakit, at least aku dpt pluang wat
injection/ sub cut=injection under the skin.. huhu) pastu, sekor agi anak biri2 yg xsempat nk lahir sbb tersgkut.. Anak biri2 tuh besar sgt tuk mak dia, jadik susah nk kuar.. (tulah padahnya duk ngn biri2 jntan baka beso.. erk~ Haha) n cam bese, pas mnghadapi kematian, adalah post mortem yg kne dibuat.. ngehehe..

tulah cte ak.. apa yg aku dpt.. hurmm mcm2 sbnrny.. yg ak sgt pasti is, the job is a kinda of nikmat yg Allah kasik kt aku.. thats for me.. klu korg paham, apa yg aku rse spnjg aku wat seme2 ni, i mean all my practical work, aku dpt satu kepuasan.. penat n susah seme2 keje nih, thats for sure.. tpi at the end of the day, aku rase some kinda satisfaction yg mmpu wat aku happy.. Allhamdulillah pada Allah.. hopefully korg pon dpt rse apa yg aku rse dalam setiap apa yg korg wat... InsyaAllah...

LIFT ME UP

This road
Is anything but simple
Twisted like a riddle
I've seen high and I've seen low

So loud
The voices of all my doubts
Telling to give up
To pack up and leave town

But even so I had to believe
Impossible means nothing to me

So can you lift me up?
And turn the ashes into flames
Cause I have overcome
More than words will ever say
I've been giving hope
That there's a light on up the hall
And that a day will when the fight is won
And I think that day has just begun

Somewhere
Everybody starts there
I'm counting on a small prayer
Lost in a nightmare

But I'm here
And suddenly it's so clear
The struggle through the long years
It's hard for me to outrun my fears

But everything that's worth having
Comes with trials worth withstanding

So can you lift me up?
And turn ashes into flame

and the day will come when the fight is won
And I know that day has just begun..

p/s: ni sbnrnye lagu.. tpi ak ad alter sket.. (mutation.. it changed the amino acid chain that code for the song's DNA.. huhu.. ngarut~)

caring animal

hurm... setelah beberapa ketika... hari ni ak nk kongsi ngn y'all sme pasal 'Caring Animal'

?????plik?? xlah... xlgsung.... ak rse x pon.. huu~

last 2 weeks.. ak n 2 org kwn motip ak gi klinik ni tuk internship ktrg.. (gler lmbt ak post.. 2 mggu dah.. xde ksmptn~)

so, kt sne, mcm2 la ktrg wat... ak rse bek ak tnjuk gmbr2 je.. lgi sonok plus interactive sket brbndg crite je.. since u guys wont have time for all my bla.. bla... bla...

meet Lucky... lucky kucing kt sni.. yg Dr Ng n Dr Kee jge.... sgt gemok..

ni... errr... ak lpe nme dy ap.. but she has diarrhea n hyper salivate... so, dy kne duduk ward..

ni pon lgi sekor ak lpe nme dy.. but she is 6 months n shes not eating.. for rabbits, if they do not eat they'll die.. (lgi truk untk matured rabbits sbb bad bacterias dlm bdn dyorg lbih bnyk n if they do not eat, the good bacterias yg tlong utk digestion will be eaten by bad bacterias n harm the rabbit itself..) - gler cmpur2 bahase ak... sorry2..

ni Chot... Chot patah kaki.. nmpk x?? dy bru je bkak bandage dy.. after 2 weeks.. poor little thing..

ANGEL!!! shes really an angel.. angel dtg tiap2 mggu tuk mandi... this is one of the most adored fren in the clinic.. dy sgaaaattttt la baik.. korg wat ap pon kt dia, dia reda jek... ak xsure la plak dia breed ap.. ak rse Chihuahua.. but nweys, shes definitely a good n kind dog breed.. hehe

Minnie is not feeling well too... shes staying for how long, im not sure..

ni lak Mojo... Mojo is a Shih Tzu breed.. very sensitive dog... they r home pet.. so, need more attention n care.. love to be loved...

ni lah Dr Kee... dy ngah brsihkn telinga Mojo smbil dbntu Elaine... Ari syg Mojo.. kn2??? hehe

ad gak beberapa patients yg xsmpt nk amik gmbr dyorg.. tpi ak ni sgtlah adil n saksama.. so, ak crik yg gmbr yg paling mirip ngn dyorg so that korg dpt gmbrnny..

ad sekor anjing tuh, cm nilah rpenye... a husky.. sgt hensem.. nmenye Snowy.. suspected for skin disease due to bacterias coming from living place probably... tpi satu jelah pesanan kt sape2 yg teringin nk bela anjing cm Snowy ni.. A husky is meant to be in a cold country.. they have two layers of fur to adapt with that kinda environment.. so, krg sesuai tuk duduk kt malaysia yg pnas ni.. but if korg nk gak,, kne kasik dy duk dalam aircond or korg bersiap sedia jelah tuk... KEMATIAN!!! haha.. (ak serius ni... xyah lah bela anjing ni kt sini.. sian dyorg n korg skali)

pastu ad anjing cm nih.. nmenye Max.. besar n cantik n hensem gak... an English Sherpherd.. anjing jnis ni bsenye peladang bela tuk tlong dyorg kt ladang la for sure... anjing pengembala... see?? Sherpherd...

ni lah anjing breed Shih Tzu.. sme breed cm Mojo tdi.. tpi point ny kt sini bkn pasal Mojo.. tpi Baby... Baby lah anjing yg dah melakar sejarah dlm hidup ak.. huhu~ dialah anjing prtma yg ak sentuh, pegang n even anjing first yg jilat muke ak.. Huuuuu~~~ tpi, korg kne bygkn, anjing cm lam gmbr ni tpi ad imfammation kt punggung dy... skin disease gak.. mcm yg ak cte tdi, Shih Tzu is a very sensitive breed.. so, well done Baby?? sbb dah buat sejarah lam hidup ak.. hahaha

so, overall.. sronok sgt... bgi ak interesting sbb korg akn experience different things every minute.. setiap patient akn ad different problems, different attitudes n behaviors.. pastu, can make lotsss of frens... plus, bgi ak, snang lgi duduk ngn dyorg brbndg ngn manusia yg ske wat mnde jdi lbey complicated...

n sorry sbb byk anjing compared to other animals.. sbb ramai customers chinese n indians.. so dyorg bela anjing.. ad la beberapa yg bela arnab n kucing.. org melayu x hntr pets dyorg ke klinik.. sbnrny bkn org melayu je, rmi org yg xhntr pets dyorg ke klinik.. maybe perception dyorg towards animals care x smpi ke thp tu lagi.. but, xsl pon kte wat cmtu sbnrny... in fact, Allah n nabi ske... Islam ajr kte brbuat baik pada semua makhluk.. n this is one of the ways..

hopefully, one day i can be like Dr Kee n Dr Ng so that ak pon dpt berbuat baik pada makhluk Allah yg lain selen manusia..

decision...

Ak pnah dgr ceramah dari ustz Hasrizal a.k.a Saifulislam. dia pnah kata,

"tiap2 hari dalam khdpn kita, kita akn buat kptsn"
betul sbnrnya.. cuba kita fikir, bgn pagi2 je kta da start buat kptusan... Mandi atau solat dulu? kmdn, bila da beres dua2 keje tu, dtg kptsn len yg harus dbuat n dfkirkn. pakai baju kuning atau biru? t-shirt atau bju krung? bg yg pmpn pulak, mgkin kptusan yg hrus dbuat tu brtmbh sket. contohnya, beg ungu atau pink? bila dah nk kuar rmah pon, masih gak nk fikir utk ptuskn warna n jenis kasut yg nk dipkai hari tu.

(hurmm... which one?)

tpi tu ktusan2 kecil yg kita buat sban hari. mgkin @ xmgkin kptusan2 tu akn affect hidup kita. mgkin kalau hari tu kita trslh pilih bju, kita akn kne saman dgn pak guard [ni tuk dak2 intec UiTM la trutamanya kn.. =)] Atau lbih truk kne 'saman' di akhirat nti (Nauzubillah..) tpi, klu stakat trslh pilih warna kasut/beg/tudung yg kurg 'matching' ngn wrna bju/gelang tgn/spec ke.. xjdik mslh bsr rsenye.. hehe..

tu sumer kisah kptsn2 yg boleh dikira 'kecil' dlm hidup kita.. mcm mana ngn kptsn2 besar? sng relate dgn hidup ak yg msih brgelar student nih.. kptsn yg bese2 kita buat seperti:-

1) nk trima/x twaran dri universiti ni? (nilah yg ak alami dulu.. dilema2..)
2) nk isi/x borg prmohonan biasiswa ni? bila dah dpt, nk trima/x?
3) kos apa yg ap yg nak amik ni? ak nk jadik apa nnti?
4) or nk advance sket, nk trima atau x pinangan mamat ni? (berangan2.. hehe)

(so... which one is THE ONE?)

bila kita fikir2kan semula, kptsn2 besar sprti nilah yg bawa kita ke tmpat kita berada skang ni.. btul x? kptsn tuk memilih sesebuah institusi pngajian tu kdg2 mmbntu kita mnjadi pljr cemerlang. pilihan utk mngmbil/mngiktiraf seseorg mnjadi shbt kita, mncrminkan sape kita skang. n dlm byk2 tu, pasti ad kputusan yg kita rsakn baik dan ada juga yg kita anggap buruk. cuma, kita kne igt, kptsn yg kita anggap buruk/kurang baik tu mgkin jln yg Allah sediakn utk suatu pgakhiran yg baik.

klupun kita rase kptsn yg 'truk' kita buat tu tlh mnybabkn hidup kita x sebaik yg sepatutnya, aslkn hati ikhlas n reda insyaAllah, you'll see the light at the end of the tunnel. but, klu kita buat yg sebaliknya, marah, merungut, lupa pada Allah, well... it might not be the light that we'll see, but its hellfire (Nauzubillah..)
Allah prnah brfirman dlm surah Al-Baqarah,

"...Dan boleh jadi kamu benci sesuatu sedangkan ia lebih baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi kamu kasihi sesuatu sedangkan ia melarat bagimu. Dan Allah mengetahui apa yang tidak kamu ketahui.."

apa yg boleh kita buat adlh brdoa agar dlm setiap kptsn yg akan/ dah kita buat, Allah akn mmbimbing kita... Agree? Berusaha pun jgn lupe.. Antara usaha yg bley kita wat trmsuklah solat sunat istikharah, tnya pndpt/pndgn kwn2, parents n org2 yg arif tntg sesuatu prkra tu. lpas pada tu, barulah kita tawakal dg result dri kptsn yg kita buat tu tuk kemudian hari nti.....


(ap seme nih? buntu2....)

haha.. ske ati wat dialog sndiri...kurkur~